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The Mother's Day Struggle

loss miscarriage mother's day motherhood parenting pregnancy

Ugh.  It is that time of year again.  Most families are planning a special day, preparing gifts - the commercials are all over tv.  Articles about amazing moms are all over Facebook, and now everyone is changing their profile pictures using a breast cancer MOM banner.  This holiday is in your face.  Well, I guess most holidays are in your face - but this one stings, it really burns.

First of all - being a mom is HARD.  SO DAMN HARD.  Why do we as a society need to help and honor moms once a year?  The funny jokes about dads letting her sleep in, and maybe doing the dishes.  It is 2016 - why can't we all just take turns doing the chores and relaxing?  You with me?!

Then there are the moms who have kids with men that just don't get it.  Maybe they didn't have dads themselves so they didn't understand that they are supposed to go out of their way to do something nice - since it is only once a year after all.  The single moms, whose kids are too little to understand what to do for mommy, and don't have a supportive daddy to do the right thing for his kiddos.  The widowed mom, who is reminded that her husband isn't here to do all of these special things.

Then there are those of us who lost a mom.  Every year buying cards for my stepmoms and grandmas actually pains me.  It's like pulling off a band aid on my heart and when it is off the tears just flow and flow.  Having everyone tell the world how special their mom IS and I can only talk about how she WAS.  I know a lot of people in this camp and it is tough.  Having my own kids and becoming a mom, didn't help either.  I just became a motherless mom. 

Then there is the mom who lost a child.  When I was having miscarriages I used to struggle with this.  You become a mom the second you are carrying life right?  So what are you called when you lost that life before you had the chance to meet it?  To the world - you are nothing.  Only your heart knows you are a mom.  The mom who lost a child - whether they were young or old.  To have to be reminded that their little (or big) angel is not going to call and tell her that she is an awesome mom, that they love her.  They won't get cards or flowers from that child.  I can't even imagine the kind of pain they feel.

If you are reading this and you don't fall into any of these categories - enjoy your day.  If your kids wake you up too early with breakfast - remind yourself of how lucky you are to have them.  Make some amazing memories with your mom and your littles.  Because it truly is a special day, and you are blessed to be able to enjoy it.

For those of us who are hurting this holiday - my advice is to stay busy and GIVE.  I spent this week taking pictures of babies and their mommas in the NICU.  I will be helping host the Mother's Day Brunch at the hospital.  It keeps me busy, it gives me a reason to bow out of other obligations, and most importantly - it helps put the band aid back on my heart.  Deep breaths, you are almost there. 


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