If you have stayed with me so far - THANK YOU. I know that stuff was hard to read, and many of you may have had to reach for the tissues. But this, THIS is why telling all of that sad stuff matters. You see, there is a very special gift in all of this. In fact, there are many gifts in experiencing a tragedy. You just have be strong enough to CHOOSE to see them and understand them. Without all of that sad stuff - there would be no story. There would be no Momma Love. I would just be an average mom - going about her day, chasing kids off of the furniture - and while I do all of that - there is an underlying difference that only some people experience. That my friends, is the gift of appreciation. Grief changes you in a lot of ways. Good and bad. For me, it made me want to fight harder for what I wanted in life. It made me realize that the little things ARE the big things, and the stuff I used to think were" big things" - probably doesn't really matter in the end. The grass was greener, the birds were louder. Yes of course, there were tears, and heart ache, and sadness. I'm not super woman. I take those feelings in as they come and acknowledge them. I do however CHOOSE, to focus on the other stuff. Like a perfect blade of grass, with a beautiful dew drop on it. When you think about it - it took a miracle to make that happen.
After my mom died, I began having dreams about her. These dreams were a little different though - in that I would wake up immediately and I knew she was gone and that was her way of connecting with me. In each dream I could see her and she could see me, but we couldn't get to each other. There was always something in the way. It was strange because I have had other dreams about her - but they were memory dreams. VERY different. Now listen, I know a lot of people don't believe in this stuff. I kind of did, but wasn't really sure until it happened to me. As the rest of this story unfolds, you will see what I mean... Just over 6 months after my mom passed we finally connected in one of those very special dreams. It is one of my most favorite memories of my entire life. She gave me a hug, we told each other we loved each other. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Her eyes got big and scared that she wasn't able to tell me what was so very important and then she faded away. Suddenly I was seated and I had a newborn baby on my chest. I immediately woke up, and woke my husband up. It was still very early in the morning and he thought I was crazy. I thought I was crazy too. I laid in bed for hours, and when I finally got up - I went and took a pregnancy test. I bet you can guess what it said! I told those closest to me about my dream, and the test. I think everyone thought I was crazy. I bet some even thought - poor Erin, she is hanging onto whatever little hope she can. Many actually told me that they were concerned that if I lost this baby, I would officially end up in an institution. I kept telling everyone - this baby was meant to be. This baby was given to me by my mom, my angel. This baby would be my miracle. It was time.